


Rainbow

by eeveepacini



Category: Degrassi, Degrassi the Next Generation, Degrassi: Next Class
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeveepacini/pseuds/eeveepacini
Summary: An aimless future post-graduation coupled with a sudden traumatic experience causes Becky to impulsively return to Toronto. When she returns to her old home she realizes that she's not the only one who has changed in the four years since she left. Trigger warning for sexual assault mentions. Slow angsty Becky/Zoe set in 2018. Inspired partly by Kesha's album 'Rainbow'.
Relationships: Becky Baker/Imogen Moreno, Becky Baker/Zoë Rivas
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW for sexual assault mention! This will be a recurring topic, not in an intentionally triggering or repetitive way but Becky and Zoe will relate on these experiences so please don't read this if you're worried that's something that could bother you.

Since Becky had moved to Vermont to attend the University of Vermont four years earlier, a few changes had taken place. After her first year of college, she switched her major from Marine Biology to Drama. There was always a special place in her heart for dolphins, something practically anyone who was born and raised in Florida had instilled in them from birth, but somebody else was going to have to save them. There was something about being involved in performances and producing art that lit a fire within Becky. She was twenty-two, after all. If there was any time for a young woman to chase something that lit a fire within her, it was now.

The next big change that Becky had made was that she became much more open to trying new things. She had initially dipped her toe in, cutting her hair to her shoulders at one point and sporting clothes that weren't pastel and church-appropriate, but eventually she had gotten pretty comfortable in her own style. Her hair was long and golden once again now, but instead of the prim straightened look that she had sported through high school, Becky now tousled her hair into loose waves and allowed her naturally dark roots to grow out and contrast against her dark blonde hair. She wore slightly more makeup, but nothing that would cause a complete pushback by her still extremely strict Baptist parents. Her clothes stayed appropriate for the most part. She was still raised by her father after all, and the warnings of what people would think if Becky wore anything too promiscuous echoed through her head every time she wore shorts that were a bit too short or a top that exposed too much of her chest.

One thing that the Becky Baker who attended Degrassi and spent way more time than she was proud of in retrospect judging people who indulged in things that were considered sinful could've ever expected was that the older, college version of Becky would attend parties that got a little wild. Of course, she refused to go anywhere that was serving alcohol to minors, and she didn't go to any parties that served alcohol until she was twenty one and she never stayed at a party if she witnessed drug use, but college parties were college parties. And Becky Baker took part in a party or two.

Tonight was the first party that Becky had attended since she graduated from the University of Vermont. The four years that she had spent in school held a lot of good memories, and this was a chance to remember those memories one last time before she moved forward and begun her search for what she was to do with her life next.

In the years that she had been attending parties, she never stuck around when she got a bad feeling. But tonight, for some reason, she did. She tried to reflect, but the memory was far too painful. She had set a drink limit for herself initially, but celebrating her graduation from college along with, admittedly, a wish to sort of forget the worries about the future that were plaguing Becky's brain caused her to drink much more than she planned.

The boy that Becky had basically attached herself to, a blond named Matthew, was on top of her when she groggily opened her eyes after a completely undetermined amount of time where Becky's consciousness had completely become…well, unconscious. She felt little control over her body as the man on top of her completely violated her. She had listened through countless statistics that had said that one in four women experienced something like this, but there was nothing that could have prepared her for something like this.

The second the memory of that moment escalating entered Becky's brain once again, she felt herself begin to spiral. These thoughts that had been consuming Becky's brain were swirling around as she sat on a curb outside of the house where the crime had just taken place waiting for an Uber. This whole moment just felt so absurd. Something so monumental had just happened to her, yet she was just sitting on a curb waiting for a dark green SVU to pull up and carry her back to her half-empty apartment. Her roommate, Coralie, had moved out a week earlier. Becky was supposed to stay home and pack her things instead of going to the party that she was currently still in the vicinity of, but she decided she wanted a little fun instead. If only the Becky who existed a few hours ago knew what Becky knew in this moment.

The car that Becky was watching out for, the Uber that was going to take a young woman who already felt the most isolated someone could possibly feel, and drop her off to sit in an empty apartment and reflect on the worst experience of her life. Every ounce of optimism and cheerfulness that had defined Becky's nature for most of her life felt like it was being squeezed out of her like a soaked sponge.

She gathered her things and got into the car, avoiding contact with the driver. This was so completely unlike Becky. She used Uber quite often since she didn't have a car in Vermont, so she had pretty much gotten a reputation around her moderately small college town for practically being the friendliest passenger ever. Becky didn't have five stars for no reason. But tonight, she had no interest in speaking. Not to whoever was driving her to her isolation den, not to anyone. She was an island tonight.

"They say nothing good happens after 2am." The driver broke the silence as he started the route to Becky's destination. Becky pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at the clock. It was 2:39 in the morning. If that really was a phrase, well… she wasn't sure of the time frame, but she was pretty sure what happened to her in the drunken haze that left parts of her body sore she hadn't consented to being sore and bruises on her arms had happened before 2 in the morning. Maybe nothing good happened to anyone who drank too much and left themselves vulnerable to get taken advantage. Becky tried to convince herself that she wasn't at fault, after all, she had always held the belief that victims were never at fault no matter the circumstances, but something was different when you were the victim. No matter how she tried to silently rationalize things, she still came out feeling like she could've done something different at some point in the evening.

The pit in her stomach felt bottomless as she lost herself in self hatred and blame. She knew she was supposed to answer the driver, that'd be the polite thing to do, but she wasn't sure if she could.

Resting her head against the cool car window, Becky's eyes glued themselves to the road buzzing beneath and around her. Everything was a blur, both literally and metaphorically. And everything felt like it was going way too fast. Her lips parted slowly to speak, hoping that her brain would come up with some sort of response that resembled something polite and friendly - the normal output from Becky Baker, but nothing but exasperated breath exited her mouth.

The driver's fingers reached from the steering wheel toward the radio's volume dial to completely mute the noise that the radio was producing. _Great_ , Becky thought. This driver was the type that wasn't going to leave Becky alone to sulk in silence.

"You alright, miss?" The driver went for a light prod. There was a small part inside of Becky that was trying to claw its way up to Becky's voice box, begging to assume a speaking role like an angered protester reaching for a megaphone. "You don't look like you feel too good." He said, worried.

Becky's attention was suddenly called toward the driver. He resembled someone Becky knew. Or… used to know. Without intention, she caught herself staring at the cropped reflection in the rearview mirror. The mirror had a thin black frame which perfectly sectioned off a fraction of the drivers' face for Becky to observe. For some reason, the concept of fate suddenly crept its toe into Becky's consciousness.

Her own blue eyes squinted as she studied the blue eyes that were reflected in the mirror. The eyes were focused on the road, but they kept flicking back and forth, stopping to check on Becky every time the road didn't require too much attention. The driver's eyebrows were thin and light, contrasting his short, dark hair that was mostly contained by a loose beanie.

It clicked in Becky's brain the third time she made eye contact with the man whose question was still hanging in the air… He looked like Adam. Of all nights, why would Becky run into someone who made her veins run cold from how much he reminded her of her dead first love? Why would a stranger who could be mistaken for the first boy who broke Becky's heart if you were looking at him from a far distance show up in Becky's life tonight? This felt like a sign from God. For some reason, something inside Becky willed her to speak.

"I'm not okay." She forced out. Becky loved indulging in conversations with strangers, but she didn't usually share her dark or negative thoughts with them. Thoughts like these were usually reserved only for the most trusted people in Becky's life - and God. "Something really bad happened to me. Something I never thought could happen to me… I just want to go back in time and stay home tonight." Becky's voice wavered, tears threatening to escape and run down Becky's cheeks. "And I don't even know where to go."

"Well, you put in an address that I'm assuming is your apartment, but if you don't want to go there…" The driver's hand reached toward his phone, which was mounted with an app that gave directions. He pulled something up on his phone and Becky looked over curiously. She usually didn't snoop, but after she just bared her soul, she felt like the concept of normal boundaries was thrown to the wind. The text on the screen said 'Cancel ride?', and the driver pressed 'yes'.

"I didn't ask you to do that." Becky said. "I know. We're going to drive around and I don't want to max out your credit card, no matter how much I could use the extra money." The driver said, pulling his phone off of the mount and handing it back to Becky. "Put on music that you like. I have Spotify."

Under any other circumstances, a stranger taking away the only thing tracking where they were going with Becky in a vehicle moving at a fast speed would immediately set off every alarm in every cell of Becky's body. In fact, earlier in the night the fact that she had ignored red flags and signs that she should have escaped a situation was the reason she was sitting here holding a stranger's phone with shaky hands and tears that had rolled from under her eyes to her lips, filling her mouth with a salty taste. She would have a hard time defending it if anyone were to press her on it, but her gut was saying that this person was sent to her from God, and she honestly needed an angel right now. The resemblance to a particular Adam Torres wasn't exactly helping her abstain from her endearment.

Becky opened up the Spotify app and scrolled through the musical history of this guy. In the corner of the screen it said his name: Grayson. Now she knew a little bit of information about the guy who very well could be driving her to a murder lair or wherever serial killers took their victims when they stupidly stuck around after things were far from safe. His musical tastes were almost similar to music that Becky listened to. Mostly optimistic pop music that was more on the girly side. Again, the concept of fate penetrated her brain.

She finally settled on an album that she hadn't quite heard. 'Rainbow' by Kesha. The pressure of picking music was creeping up on Becky so she clicked the section of the screen that indicated shuffling the music and hurriedly handed the phone back to her driver, who she now knew she could refer to as Grayson.

A song called 'Spaceship' played through the speakers quietly and she listened to the lyrics quietly. The urge that had overtaken her small body to spill her guts to the driver had mostly passed. She just wanted to listen for a minute. Turn off her brain and just… Listen. As the melancholy and beautiful music played, Becky's dark blue eyes brewed up a storm of tears, weighing on her eyes like a dark cloud ready to precipitate. The lyrics detailed a feeling of loss that was repurposed into hope. A detail of feeling like an escape is necessary and a belief that things will change was wrapped up in a metaphor about a spaceship returning. Never in her life had Becky felt herself so attached to lyrics in a song that she had never heard. Every single word that was sung over the low-key track populated by plucking instruments and a symphony of dream-like harmonies resonated deeply with Becky. Inspiration and aspiration both rose up in Becky as the song continued and Grayson's eyes darted between the lowly illuminated road and Becky.

"Drive me to the airport. I'm going home." Becky decided out loud before her brain even had a chance to debate it.

...

Becky held back from blurting out the entire happenings of the night to Grayson as they drove toward the airport. The drive was about an hour, which made Becky extremely thankful that Grayson had cancelled the ride fare. There was no way Becky would have been able to cover the total that would've accumulated had she let an Uber take her all the way to the airport. Especially not now, when she was about to come close to cleaning out her bank account for a plane ticket.

She browsed airline websites on her phone, her mind now completely overtaken with imagining what it would be like to be back in Toronto. She would know soon. Impulsive decisions had never been Becky's thing, but apparently that was changing. Many things were supposed to change in a person's early 20's. Who was Becky to resist or deny inner change?

Her finger wavered over the section of the screen that would prompt the airline to take hundreds of dollars from Becky's account. This was a huge decision and she had no idea what it was even going to be like to be back in Toronto again. Would she live with her parents? Would she find an apartment? Which friends from Degrassi still resided there?

There was a point in time where Becky kept up with everyone she spent time with at Degrassi through social media, but eventually… everyone just sort of stopped talking.

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Becky spoke out loud.

She had no idea why she thought her Uber driver, a guy she barely knew named Grayson could give her the sage advice she needed to know if she should stay or go. Maybe it was his energy, which reminded Becky of the first guy she let herself fall in love with. Maybe it was the way he just let her open up. Maybe it was the way he sort of felt like a guardian angel. She knew that she was probably being irrational, probably a side effect of the traumatic experience she had just been through, but right now Becky was inclined to grasp to whatever - or whoever, felt real.

Becky saw Grayson's eyes change focus from the road to Becky in the rearview mirror. His eyes stayed focused on her for a prolonged amount of time. His eyes were as blue as the ocean, but they were burning into Becky like a sharp red laser.

"You're the only one who knows the answer to that." Grayson said, his eyes shifting back to the road, which was dimly illuminated by streetlights and the headlights of other cars, which were far and few in between.

Finally, her finger pressed on the screen. It was official. Becky Baker was headed back to her hometown. Back to her family. Back to the place that had brought her some of the best and worst times of her life. For a long time she had been hesitant to return for visits.

Once she moved far away and started anew at college, she wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to return. There were so many responsibilities that came along with being Toronto Becky. Any time she left the house she risked running into someone connected to something tragic in her life. Whether it was someone Becky was directly connected to or someone that Becky had connection to through tragedy, like Zoe Rivas or Audra Torres, she was never fully relaxed when she was in Toronto. Along with the responsibility that Becky felt to always be ready to have the heaviest of conversations on the fly, she also felt like there were constant eyes following her. If someone wasn't watching her and judging her for Adam's death or for being the former bible girl with the ultra-Baptist family, they were watching her and judging her for being the sister of the rapist. What a legacy to uphold.

Becky felt her heart sink when her mind became dominated by thoughts of her brother. His sentence was up now and last Becky had heard, he had gotten a great job and an apartment. Becky had specifically asked her parents not to give her updates on her brother. It was just too painful. And now with the things Becky had just been through… She knew that if she was returning to Toronto for any stretch of time she was likely going to be forced to see Luke. She wasn't ready. Not one bit.

"We're about fifteen minutes out. Do you have your passport?" Grayson broke through the deep thought web Becky had woven herself into. Becky fished through her purse and found her passport. She was always prepared for any situation. A true blessing from God. "Yeah, I have it right here." Becky responded, her voice softer than usual.

Grayson hadn't spoken much since Becky declared she was going to the airport, so it took Becky by surprise when he asked her a question. "Are you nervous to go home?" He asked. Simple but personal.

"So nervous." Becky spoke without thinking. Usually she'd conceal something like that, especially when speaking to a stranger. The fact that her nerves and apprehension had so much to do with matters that were incredibly personal also contributed to the likelihood of Becky staying quiet. Yet, she spoke. "There's a lot of pain there. But there's also a lot of pain here…" She paused to contemplate. "I just wish things were as simple as I used to think they were. I used to think that everything happened for a reason. That we made decisions not to sin, but ultimately we were at God's will. But now I just feel like I'm searching for answers. And I don't think they really exist anywhere."


	2. Chapter 2

Becky had forgotten just how _noisy_ airports were. From people rushing to probably barely make their flights, babies crying, tired couples arguing about their lost baggage... It seemed like every inch of the building was buzzing with some sort of totally overwhelming activity or noise. Not particularly the atmosphere an already overwhelmed Becky was searching for. She never liked being the antisocial girl with her headphones in, but today... today was the day. She spent years at university avoiding walking with her earbuds in because she never wanted to miss an opportunity for someone to talk to her if they felt so inclined... Today, however, she didn't really want anyone interfering with her melancholy.

The song Learn To Let Go by Kesha began flowing into her earbuds. It felt like her music streaming service had it out for her today. This was an album she had saved, appreciated and mixed into most of her playlists alongside her favorite T-Swift and One Direction songs. She appreciated the messages behind some of the more meaningful songs on the album in the past, but they'd never _struck_ her. There was no doubt they were striking her today.

 _"Been a prisoner of the past, had a bitterness when I looked back, was telling everyone it's not that bad 'til all my shit hit the fan.. I know I'm always like telling everybody, "You don't gotta be a victim…Life ain't always fair, but hell is living in resentment._ Choose _redemption, your happy ending's up to you"_

Becky approached Airport Security as the soft, well-meaning lyrics hit her ears. The music was supposed to help, but the lyrics were a bit overbearing in her current situation. Skip, for now. An upbeat pop song stepped in to take a stab at distracting Becky. Her mind was still racing, but it'd have to do for now. She moved through security quickly, but her mind wasn't fully able to rest. All of the reasons why she was skipping town and impulsively flying to Toronto were catching up with her at once.

She'd once heard a statistic that one in four women experienced some sort of sexual assault. When reading that fact in the past, many things surfaced in her brain. The well-meaning seminars and skits that took place at her college orientation, which shared oversimplified solutions to issues that Becky had learned were often way more complicated than the surface suggested. Zoe, the girl who she had risked her family and faith to save, the previous 1 out of 4 that Becky knew. And her brother, Luke, of course. The reason why Zoe was one of those supposed four.

"Excuse me, miss?" A voice penetrated Becky's cluttered mindspace. "You dropped your passport."

Becky pulled the blaring music away from her eardrums and returned to reality. A nice-looking old woman with greying dark hair and glasses which magnified her eyes to three-times the normal size handed Becky's passport over with a beaming smile.

"Oh, thanks." Becky forced out. Usually, she'd be bubbling over with gratitude, after all this woman had literally just saved her a headache and a half... But for some reason, the energy just wasn't there.

The reason behind Becky's gloominess wasn't a mystery, she knew that in her heart. She just refused to acknowledge the truth. Everything felt so weird and hopeless. Her entire view of the world had been turned on its' head, like after Zoe's assault but multiplied by three, at least.

"Are you okay?" The woman pressed slightly after Becky stood before her wordless for nearly a minute. Whoops. Becky wasn't so good at concealing her sullenness. It was hard to control something that felt like it was overtaking you.

"I'm...yeah. I just need to go home." Becky said. "I'm going home." She held the passport up, trying to convince herself that she was excited or ready. "Toronto bound."

The older woman seemed to recognize something in Becky's face. Maybe some telltale sign of brokenness Becky didn't realize she was displaying. "Take care, okay? Go home to your support system. Everyone has someone, right? You look like you need to go back to your roots."

Becky nodded before stepping away. The kind words were more than appreciated, but this wasn't something Becky felt like she could handle right now. The truth was, she didn't know if she had a support system. She didn't even know if Toronto was home anymore, or if it ever was. It was where her family was, but time didn't really heal all of those wounds. She still barely talked to her Dad. Phone conversations consisted of church and school, with an infinite elephant in the room that neither party knew how to banish. Her mom talked to Becky about superficial stuff, but she didn't feel like she could fully trust either of her parents. Certainly not with a bombshell of this caliber. They'd never understand or sympathize fully with why Becky needed to get away. They'd probably just press her for details or convince her she wasn't truly a victim using the same messed up logic they used to justify Luke's crimes.

And then there was Luke. Becky and Luke were completely estranged at this point. Even when he got out of prison, Becky couldn't do it. She couldn't face the boy she used to love and trust the most and know that he was one the worst type of criminals. Worse than that, he didn't even think what he did was wrong. He just wanted to cover it up and move on with his life. That was how Becky felt before she was assaulted. Now she had a whole new perspective. Thinking of her family suddenly made her sick.

She trudged toward her airplane's gate, now unsure of her impulsive ticket buy. Returning to Toronto could create a whole new host of issues... what in Jesus's name was she thinking?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is much appreciated :]


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